Morning Coffee

This morning, while I was multi tasking my way through the house with thoughts of more packing and organizing, my coffee went cold and as is my custom I put it in the microwave. I had punched in twenty seconds and hit the on button before I noticed that I had actually put an additional zero on the timer and my coffee was set to cook on high for two minutes. But what the heck; I was standing right there I would just turn it off when twenty or so seconds had passed. In the meantime I threw some towels in the washing machine and decided that I had time to scurry into the downstairs bathroom to check for more towels.

While passing the bedroom I noticed that Cath had not opened the drapes which is irritating because the only way that I can reach to pull them open is to take my shoes off and stand in the window seat and tug them into position. With the drapes open and the towels collected for the wash I headed back to the pantry to put the laundry soap in the washer and close the lid before proceeding into the kitchen to unload the dishwasher.

I’m sure that most have us have experienced walking into a room with such purpose only to discover that we cannot remember what the plan was. That’s exactly what happed when I went back into the pantry and found myself standing there blankly looking around for a minute until it came to me: “my coffee”. The pain was instantaneous as I first grabbed the cup and then quickly released it, or tried to. My fingers seemed to have become welded to the handle and I managed to spill coffee over my hand, in the microwave and on the floor.

Back in the kitchen, while running my hand under the stream of cold water, I tried to assess the damage. Not bad, the thumb and the accusatory, pointy finger were a little red and sore as were the ring finger and the pinky. What was really obvious though was the FINGER finger, hence known as the ff.

The ff was already starting to blister and each time I took my hand from under the running water searing messages of FIRE were transmitted to the epi center of my brain to be converted and returned as episodic, turret like volleys of swear words. After about ten minutes of this it was apparent that the only way that I was going to accomplish anything today was if I could somehow keep my ff underwater.

I started with a cereal bowl. Filling it with icy water, I grabbed what was left of my coffee, which by the way was still steaming after twenty minutes, and headed in here to my office to read my mail. So far so good. I could type short replies with one hand; anything that required longer bouts of typing would have to wait until I was back up to ten fingers. In the meantime there was no reason not to try and do a little tidying of the house and some more packing.

Holding on to the bowl of water by keeping the pointy finger and the ff in the water with the other fingers outside the bowl worked for a few minutes until the cramp in my hand turned into a mini convulsion causing me to throw water all over the family room. That was when it occurred to me that a freezer bag would do the trick and be more portable. So back into the kitchen to get one of the No Name Brand freezer bags (the cheap ones that Cath says are just as good) and fill it with cold water.

While looking in the office for an elastic band to hold my water bag in place, I felt a few drops of water slosh on my feet; I looked down just in time to see the dripping turn into a steady stream poring out of the ever widening seam at the bottom of the just as good bag. I tried to pinch it closed as I dashed back into the kitchen but before I left the office I managed to hose down some files and Cath’s ergonomically correct chair.

This time I went for the name brand freezer bag, and wrapped some duct tape around my wrist and was ready to have at it. Before I go further, a word of caution: if you should find yourself in a similar predicament and are forced to walk around with one hand in a bag of water DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT try plugging in a vacuum cleaner, or any other electrical appliance for that matter. I should think it unnecessary to go into further detail.